Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
