Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
