I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
