please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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