Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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