I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
