We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
