Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
