dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
