My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Non-Jews are for practice
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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