we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
