i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
