Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
