Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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