Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
