Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
