u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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