Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
