I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
