In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
