I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
