i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
