I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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