then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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