I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
