my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
