i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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