I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
