What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
