It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize