pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
