Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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