My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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