dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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