Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
