The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
