At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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