Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
