My nipple is on Facebook.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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