You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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