last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
