By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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