I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize