No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
it glows. i had to have it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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