Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need moral support for this bender
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
