Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
