Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
