last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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