Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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