I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
