You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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