As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
