If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
