never play flip cup with pint glasses
high people should be assigned attendants
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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