Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
