I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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