I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
