I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize