If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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