If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
