woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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