I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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