I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
