You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
