Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
