So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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