you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
