i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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