I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
