The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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