his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize