my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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