When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
