You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
