It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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