New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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