OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
