considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
