I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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