goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
