Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
