bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Are we still banned from the library?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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